Finality

So, I have been commenting people's blogs throughout the semester, but I like to critique so whatever.

The Solace of Canary Blue
I decided to follow this blog on a partial whim. Well, at first I followed, because she was following mine and then I followed because I like how she wrote. It has always had this sort of poised, artistic, grace about it. Quite unlike my blogs which are very to the point. Even like the background she chose, it is just interesting. I think a reason I like it is because it is so unlike mine. her background simple. Mine is four different colors. Her writing poetic. My writing bricklike. Even if our opinion were different than mine, it was always a good read. And if they were different I would leave a comment.
So good blogging Maria Valdes

Blog
I can't say I loved every post this person made, but I must say there were some that made me seriously laugh out loud. I think my favorite post of his was the Presidential Coverage post. I mean I love bluntness, and this post on the election is just flipping hilarious. The best line is definitely, "Currently, there is a large scale breakout of Salmonella in America. What if our media just decided to skip that story? Mothers all across this country would be making death-butter and jelly sandwiches for their little ones." I have no clue in the world why I find that funny, but I think it is just the blatant honesty of that post.
Funny, funny Brett.

JBB
I like this blog too. I feel like the reading it was kind of like sticking your hand in a puzzle box and with each different piece you get to kind of understand the author. From his magnificent Emmy win to his talk about butoh it was all just different pieces to solving the puzzle that is Joel.

LEB
Oddly, in the beginning of the semester I thought I would hate this person, but now as the semester is closing I think this person might just be one of the chillest people in the world. I have never had a conversation outside of class, but I think she is majorly amazing. Also let me apologize for my prejudgements. But about the blog, I enjoyed her blog, because it was always so real and whether or not people agreed or disagreed she kept her opinion. Point. Blank. Period. Lauren you are amazing.
Well, this is the end of the Blogging Boulevard. SEE YA!

Last Post,
Tosin

The Tweeter Worm

I think he is making a point. Personally, I have never ever seen the Twitter site and don't intend to. Social networking sites are a beautiful thing, but honestly they are the HUGEST stealer of time. I have a myspace--which I am rarely on--and a facebook--which I am currently on--and facebook is just a freaking thief. It is actually pretty ridiculous. For me it is a ritual. Anytime I turn on my computer I first go to pandora.com because I love love love music, then it is straight to facebook. Funny thing is even if there is no one on facebook for me to talk to I will always manage to find something to do, like play an online game through facebook, or write a note, or facebook stalk people. J/K.

I mean this morning I was listening to the radio and they were saying that college students who have have myspaces, facebooks, and twitters study for approximately one hour a week. As opposed to those who belong to zero social networking sites who study a whopping eleven hours per week. Crazy ain't it. I know it doesn't apply to me because I have found a way to balance, but one hour a week. Shoot I didn't even study one hour a week in high school!

Perhaps there is some truth in this man's ran about twitter, sadly when people write any type of essay like they are completely right and leave no room for another opinion, then it doesn't even matter what the other person is saying.

As for me, I will probably keep my facebook because I do LOVE it. Myspace I only keep because it is the only and cheapest way for me to keep in contact with some of my friends from when I was younger, but twitter is a no for me.

Pweeted Pwost,
Tosin

COON-fused

I am not sure how you expected me to respond to that.

Tosin

I remember talking to my friend Colbie one day about food or something, and she said that her boyfriend’s mother doesn't own a microwave. Needless to say, I was purely astounded by this remark. To me a microwave is a necessity. I can cook on a stove top, but it seems as if I am so pressed for time that I turn to the microwave to fulfill my tasty desires. I have learned to cook countless cuisines in the microwave: Ramon noodles, eggs, bacon, chicken strips, Easy Mac, taquitos, and so much more. I do this so often that I have forgotten what they all really taste like. Two weeks ago I had a little time so I make macaroni and cheese on the stove and even though it was a box kind it was so delicious. In order to save time I have given up a quality meal.
Then I continue to feed into it. When I go grocery shopping, I immediately veer to the frozen food isle and pick up my Healthy Choice Steamers. Anything that is boxed HAS to have microwave directions. In fact the only thing I haven't used the microwave for is to eat fresh fruit.
But I mean let’s look at something as simple as a microwave. What does it say about our society? It tells me that I make no time for something as special and sacred as eating a meal. Not only do I rush eating it--because it takes me like 10 minutes to eat dinner--but even in the preparation I rush it. It says rather than buying fresh fruits and vegetables I get the Swanson Microwave Steamers and stick them in there for precisely five minutes. I am an android who sticks my food in a robot to prepare it for me.
I know that I am a college student and the time I have is very limited, but I make time to pray, I make time to watch TV, I make a ton of time to go on facebook. So why not make time to cook a meal instead of microwave it.
There is something about a home cooked meal that sings a glorious melody. It sings a song of essence and vitality. It is wholesome and pure and righteous. It seems in college that it is coveted. I remember one day when I met up with my friend Danielle for lunch. I had packed leftovers from my mom’s lasagna and was eating it cold and she had Moe's. She looked at my food and asked for a bite. I told it was cold and she said, "It doesn't matter." I gave her a bite and we ended up swapping lunches. In fact that it is the think about a home cooked meal. It comes from home. Someone took their precious time and prepared a beautiful and intricate delight that you could savor.
Looking back on the house with no microwave I am not shocked. I am jealous.

Precious Posting,
Tosin

Sorry.

The summer of 2005 Student Council Leadership went on its annual trip to Red Top Mountain to discuss the events for the upcoming school year. Well, during the week the guys cabin had been pranking us left and right. So the last night we are there. I pretend to get in a fight with one of the senior girls. So I chase Alex all the way to the boys cabin. She runs in. Then I run in. Then all the other senior, junior, and sophomore girls run into the boys cabin. So, me and Alex get into a shouting match. It escalates then we are about to start fighting. So the guys grab us and take us to separate rooms in the cabin. The boys then leave us in the bed rooms and go outside to figure out what to do. So while they are outside. All the girls begin to trash the boys cabin. We put pads on their pillows. Tampons in their powderades. We put Vaseline and plastic wrap on the toilets. We roll the inside of their cabin. We put birth control in their candy. We destroyed the place.

Sadly, that was not the worst part. The guy that took me into his room ,Sean, had a crush on me at the time. I was totally unaware of it, but while we were in the room he got really close to me and was like, "Tosin, you are better than them." Then he hugged me, too close and too long. So in the end when I had to tell him it was all just a prank, he was furious.

Needless to say I felt awful. I really am not the person who will intentionally try to hurt some one's feelings, and if I do. I am going for the kill, but Sean never talked to me again.

Post,
Tosin

SOCIAPITALISM

Of course it doesn't. In fact in my opinion America is not a purely capitalist country anymore. America has been handing out bailouts like Sam's samples. My whole problem with it all is that America in and of itself needs a bailout. We need a revolution....and not the type of revolution the kids in the library plaza talk about. I think there needs to be a reformation of this our entire economy. I have very conservative opinions about the economy--and everything else too. People say that the government should have regulated corporations better, but when governments over regulate people complain about it. Honestly, I think some businesses should have just fallen. I believe this for two reasons. 1. If you fail because you used shady business practices that is on you. 2. I think the failure of major corporations would have allowed more minor ones to grow and develop.

Call me brutal, but I think in order for others to succeed those who are corrupt must fail, but that won't happen because the government continues to bailout these major corporations and because if these corporations fall we all fall. No one is exempt.

Honestly I think America is on the verge of this sort of socialist/capitalist hybrid. It will be interesting to see. I think it will be called sociapitist. People don't want regulations, but they want bailouts.

I don't think there is any correct choice for this solution for this problem. In fact like any economic, social, or political problem there is no right solution there is just a solution that keeps people from getting screwed over the least.

Political Post,
Tosin

Shining Moon

Part of me feels bad for Marvin Sutton. Sutton was misunderstood and though his acts were illegal and quite harmful; it feels like he probably was a good person. Living in prison is no life at all. Prison is a torture, because you are placed into this smaller sect of society where you are being monitored constantly, where the bigger society has determined where you belong.

I am quite aware that what Sutton's actions were bad. There are tons of problems that can go wrong with moon shining. It could be done incorrectly, and cause alcohol poisoning. It is not clean. It is just plain wrong. So for that reason, yes Sutton should be charged and trialed, but this is a man who probably would never travel more than 100 miles from his home. House arrest seems like a much better punishment. Also I don't like how papers portrayed Sutton. As if being a hillbilly is a bad thing. Perhaps he wasn't a genius, he could have possibly been a good person under the moon shining.

I don't know. I don't think it says anything about America. In fact I think people should look more at the government and functioning of the major corporations of a country to determine the way the citizens are. Morally, America is one huge free for all. If you wanna make moonshine or do any other illegal action you can feel free to do it. You just suffer the consequences of it. Actually I think that man's crimes and the way he dealt with it speak highly of America. It shows hey even a "hillbilly" has enough pride to not serve his term. He rather succumb to death than be forced into a system that he didn't want to take part in.

Puzzled Post,
Tosin

A BLOG BLOB

That was me at five I think. What a beautiful child. I miss her sometimes. I can only anticipate having a daughter. She'll be an interesting soul.




SERIOUSLY!

Honestly, I just don't get it sometimes.

I am eighteen years old and there are many things I haven't done. Let me make a list:

I have not had sex
I have not drunken alcohol
I have not done drugs
I have not gotten involved in a gang (unless you consider chorus one)
I have not gotten pregnant
I have not kissed a boy
I have not snuck out of my house
I have not been on a date
I have not been asked out
I have not......

Well, you can see where this is going there are a ton of things I have not done, most of which I am proud to admit. I never wanted to be like every other teenager so I abstained from acting like one. I am the most mature eighteen year old you will ever meet. I have my moments of juvenile activities, but who doesn't. I earned a 4.0 in my first semester of college (to God be the glory for that). I have remained active in my commitments to God. I serve God and have an actual relationship with Him. I have a actual job--which I do a great job at. I go to school full time, run errands for my family, I work really really hard. So, I can't understand why when I want some recreational time my friends who are constantly being handed the short end of the stick of my time. I can't. I love my friends with all my heart and the time I get to see them is so extremely limited. So why can't we just hang out. So, it is late in the night, but we are only eight minutes away from the house. I'll possible understand when I get older, but now. Now, I am wasting time writing this blog as opposed to being with my friends at Chili's.

Now, my question is. Why? If, I am such a great kid shouldn't I be given leverage? I won't grow crazy with freedom and then abuse it. I cherish it too much. It just feels sometimes I am carrying the load of a college student in a high school book-bag. Most evenings, the parents of college students don't know what they are doing or where they are. And I would never want that for us, but most evenings I spend them by myself. Most of my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends. The ones that don't obsess about not having one--which is quite annoying. So the small teeny tiny minority that does neither that I still love I can't see.

This bothers me immensely.


FRESH AIR

They is this song I am listening to right now on Pandora called Cadence and I think it might just be the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I want it to be my wedding song. "The closer I come to you. The closer I am to finding God. You're a miracle to me." It is not so much that the singer thinks you are God. It is like saying they can see God's love in you. Beautiful.



SUPER POWERS
I have been considering lately that invulnerability seems like a pretty crappy super power. To think that I could never get hurt would suck. I could never open up to some one, because then I could possibly get hurt. That is a crappy super power.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS of the DAY a WEEK AGO

It is funny I think before God created Eve He said, "It is not good for man to be alone." I am beginning to think it is not good for woman to be alone either. Seriously though, I try and avoid being alone with my thoughts sometimes cause they lead me down these depressing roads that never end. Today I was alone with my thoughts and started contemplating how lonely I am. I just feel like I got no person. My best friends are still my best friends, but I am slowing stepping out of that position and letting their boyfriends fill it. Before I was pissed about it, but not anymore. Everyone is growing I guess. So if the person you date is the same person you will marry I can't be your best friend that person has to be. Technically it is my fault that I am alone, but I am not one to fight for attention. Either you give it to me or you don't I am not a preteen who feels the need to portray herself in a light that "attracts" "boys".

That brings me to my next thought. Which is actually a letter.
To My Dearest Husband,
At this point in time, I am not sure of who you are. I don't know what you look like or when we will meet, but I am praying for you. I pray that you are safe and not doing anything stupid and just becoming a better person and Christian. Though I don't know you I love you tremendously. In fact to say I love you would not be enough, but all I can give you are the words "I love you" and the sweet action of prayer. Know I am waiting for you. Wait for me also.
Love Your Songbird,
Tosin

Here are my random filler thoughts. I think I might shave all my hair. Why is this kid messaging me. I don't know you. You live in Boston. And you are three years younger than me. NO THANKS. I hate being fat. I love Samoas! I am so goofy. SMILE.

The last thought in my mind is of Anthony. It makes me furious to think of him especially since I don't matter to him. You know I think that is kind of a form of love though. To be aware that the person you prayer is not praying or thinking of you, but you continue in your prayer, because you know you might be the only one praying for him. These prayers are not so much based on fear, but faith great faith. So wherever you are Ant please be careful.

Proper Post,
Tosin

Sick

I honestly couldn't figure out an exact consequence on what this man has done. Honestly I would say that he should be killed for his crimes, but then again he mad his daughter suffer for twenty four years. So I kind of think that killing him is the easy way out, but then keeping someone in jail cost money--taxpayer money. So I am not sure.

What he did was heinous--no doubt about it. But you can't say the crimes of the Old World are worse than those of the New World. I mean look at this article. I could help when I first read this article. I was in high school when I read this article and I literally was sick to my stomach. I didn't include any pictures, but I saw some and I couldn't look for too long. She was forced to eat feces, they pulled out her hair, they raped her. They attacked her physically, mentally, emotionally, and in so many other ways. I could never imagine it. I makes me furious and sad. I want them all to suffer for what they did. A lot of people tell me that I am gunghoe for this because it was a black female, but this is just a matter of right and wrong. I try my hardest to advocate for what is right despite what one race or gender or age group is saying. It is just messed up. Everything is so messed up.

But back to the point, what Fritzl did to his own daughter. I sick and wrong, but you know what that is what pisses me off about the world sometimes. No one wants to tell anyone any more what is right and wrong. People have this screw religion attitude. Okay then fine, hypothetically let's throw religion out the window. How will we determine what is right and wrong? Perhaps by our feelings and emotions. Guess what crimes are committed by people's feelings. he felt he had the right to rape his daughter. The white family felt they had the right to rape and torture Michelle Williams. So what am I supposed to do! I mean there is no religion that anyone practices perfectly, but most religions at best will instill moral values in its followers.

You know all this only reminds me I cannot put my faith and trust in humanity.

Pissed Off, but Posted,
Tosin

Winnie the Pooh Winnie the Pooh Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff.

As you have heard I am writing a paper on Winnie the Pooh. It is going to be pretty awesome, but I have found sources they all just happen to be in book form, and if I write a blog about them then there is no reason for me to write an essay.

So, I am going to write about how this essay is going to blow your MIND! Now I feel really privileged to write this research paper, because it is original and complex. I know you think I talk too much or I think I am better than everyone, but that is okay, but this essay will prove that I do have some talent. I am honestly not boasting, but I have been working so hard on this essay, because I want to do it justice. The last essay I wrote it was to make a good grade on it, but this one is different. It feels like I am write something to the public viewer. Now I know I should be aware of my audience which is just you, but I feel if I try too hard to impress you or even write this just as a college essay I will regret it. Please take that into consideration when you are grading my paper. Or don't. I know how you enjoy being all mavricky and defiant and "I don't care." I swear that is like your catch phrase or something, but whatever. I am just concerned that I am not doing it the way you want. That is one of my major concerns about this essay. Even though you are an extremely vague person, it seems like you kind of have this really strict guideline of do this or that. Perhaps, it is just me. Anyways, I would have thought you would be the type of teacher to emphasize on creativity and thinking outside the box in a positive way. I guess that is my fault though. I should judge people, beside you are just James the teacher.

I know this blog is a whole lot less than 500 words, but I think it will do.

Processed Post,
Tosin

Identity Issues Resolved

Since I was a child I have never really felt like a girl. Growing up in almost every class I was in there was a majority of boys and in the fourth grade I was the only girl in the class. I was never to the extent of thinking I was a boy, but I was a tomboy. I adopted "boylike" tendencies. Then middle school happened and I started growing boobs. Suddenly I was thrown into the whirlpool of identity issues. I acted like a boy and thought like a boy, but here my body was telling me, "Tosin, you are a girl." I was very confused at the time and still am sometimes, but I am going to tell of the time when I have felt like a total boy, a complete girl, and both at the same time.

Tosin the Boy
All through elementary school people called me Funke. Now the name is pronounced foon keh, but some people call me fun kay. Now if you wanted to totally annoy me you would pronounce my name as fun kee. So one morning this kid in my class named Caleb was going to be funny and so he went around the room calling me funky black monkey. Then everyone in the class started laughing at me. At the time the teacher was out of the room. So I chased him. He began running, because I was much bigger than he was--I have usually been bigger than most guys. Finally I get ahold of him by his hair and begin dragging him across the room. I stand him up when we get to the window and then smack his head against the window cill. Immediately blood rushes out of his nose. I feel like a boy at this moment because it was the first time i used physical strength to stand up for myself. I felt tough and on top of the world like no one could mess with me and no one ever did and no one has ever since.

Tosin the Girl
When I first entered high school I didn't know anyone. I was alone most of the time unless I was in class. The third week of freshman year I joined student council and made a couple of friends. As high school passed by I became one of the familiar faces that people knew at McEachern I was nothing big, but I was well known. Finally senior year rolls around and I get nominated for Homecoming Court. I was surprised and humbled and blessed. It was the first time I had ever been nominated for court and it was not a cheerleader or a girl on McEachearn Live or a stepper. I was just Tosin. I also was not a skinny girl either...still ain't. Nonetheless it was the night of the Homecoming game and there I was walking on the football field and I felt like such a total girl. I was waving like Princess Diana and blowing kisses to the senior stands like Jackie Kennedy. I felt like a girl. I was acting like myself, but a lady version. The one the gains respect for her posture and the way she carries herself. Then at the Homecoming Dance when the announced the Court and I was dancing with my friend ,Adam, I truly felt like a total princess.

Tosin In the Intersexed State
Today I cut off all my hair. I essentially have a masculine haircut, but here I am typing the blog feeling the most feminine I have ever felt in my life. I am understanding that yes, I am a 100% heterosexual female with an African American male haircut feeling like a woman. I feel liberated. I can't even explain it, but this haircut makes me so happy. When I was at the barber and finally saw my hair I smiled and cried, because I knew this haircut was meant for me. Finally I am sure that I am definitely a female with masculine tendencies, but that is okay.
Powerful Posting,
Tosin

I actually didn't find the article that interesting. It was actually quite annoying to read. I mean comprehension wise I kind of understood it, but I didn't actually see the point to all this babbling.

Here is what I got from the article: PEOPLE SUCK! Now I can agree with that statement. I also know by agreeing with that I offer myself no exemption from the statement. I think the author was just trying to address humanities rapid descent into moral obscurity. For me it kind of meant that people don't hold anything sacred anymore.

From religion, to law, to crimes, no one values or respects them. An example is rape. Now if anyone gets raped it is a tragedy, but none the less people throw around the word rape in comedy sketches like it is nothing. Then you know what happens, people laugh. Something that is considered one of the most heinous crimes only topped by murder is made into a joke.

No one respects religion, both on the members of a religion or the people who don't believe in anything. I mean lets look at people my age. Tons of college student when asked, are you a Christian will say, "Yeah, I was raised up in the church." but you check out their lifestyle from their actions to their words and it tells you different. You can say I am being self righteous and honestly I am not, because it says, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." but seriously. If you fall you get back up and keep walking. You don't keep falling cause you like falling. It is easy to fall; not get up.

Then there are even laws. I am positive if the founding fathers came back today they would be upset with the state of America and the world. Because I am pretty sure that "we the people" have found ways to manipulate the law in our favor.

Anyways, if this response was not what you were looking for here is a facebook note I wrote July 17, 2008 it is called G's to Gents/Charm School. ENJOY!


So I have watched both shows in my title and I was sitting thinking today and I realized this is so sad. How come America has to bribe people into wanting to become a better person. Seriously this has gotten out of control and I blame myself and others.
People think it is some kind fascinating accomplishment to be a "G" or some kind of Alpha female, but it really is not. It made me feel ashamed that so many males and females fall into the trap that this is the life that they as supposed to live. I understand people have it hard in life and are constantly pressured into falling into the temptations of a corrupt and fallen world, but I know people who are making it so there is no excuse.
Also why are these ideas promoted. When has it ever been okay to call a female or male by some derogotive term? The sad thing I cannot just get onto the males without pointing out the many faults of a female. Recognize if you don't want to be know as a s*** or w**** or b**** or any other foul name, then don't give anyone good reason to call you one. Males, even if a female is acting like on that's where you have to come in and be the bigger man, and refuse to refer to her as one. Why can't we go back to the days when people weren't called names, but their name?
So it makes for good entertainment, but it really helps lead to the moral degradation of the world. When did desire to be rich and famous rather than smart and innovative. Everyone is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame, why not look for a lifetime of safety and security.
And so, our boys grow lacking emotion, because it makes a man. And our girls grow lackin emotional stability in accordance causing them to be naive and easily lead to their demise. I am so sick of this. Oh and when we find a female who derives from this misguides unstable path of average female, she is labeled as headstrong or aggresive or b****. And if it is a boy who decides to show some emotion he is called gay or pansy or wimp.

This is so messed up.


People are born male or female. It takes strength and character to be a man or woman.

Postal Post,
Tosin

Here I am laying on my bed on a heaven sent Sunday afternoon. The snow has been descending from the sky for almost two hours and though my mother has sent me to my room to clean it. I find myself doing nothing. My blinds are up and I am just staring at the snow in complete awe. Georgia weather is often seen as the butt of many meteorological jokes. It is unpredictable and more often than nought an inconvenience. When it should be perfect picnic weather it rains hard. When it is supposed to be freezing cold and you bundle for a blizzard; it is desert hot.

Anyways, I just look at the snow and am once again totally assured there is a God. I know no one could ever fathom beauty as surreal as nature. That when two currents collide the can either create something as destructive as a tornado or as serene as snow. That there is really no explanation to the purpose of snow, but to think that it possibly snowed because someone prayed for it or maybe God just wanted to see someone smile or maybe God knew if it snowed I might write this blog that is saying how totally freaking awesome He is. I dunno. I mean that is one of the many things that blows my finite mind to smithereens. That He is infinity. He encompasses everything good. It is crazy and illogical, but He operates above humanistic logic. Sometime when I think things like this I feel like I am on an really good acid trip.......I would not really know that though.....ha ha ha

Purposeful Posting,
Tosin

The Guide to Spotting the Homo Sapien in Its Natural Habitat and Making Inferences on Who and What They Are (aka People Watching)

God bless GSU. Some people hate that school with an utter passion--cough cough my HIST 2010 teacher, but I love it. I mean where else on earth will you find homeless people wondering across campus, an old man smoking weed, females who walk around in the dead of winter half clothed, and then on top of all of that get charged an arm, leg, kidney, and left lung for books and other living expenses. No where else on the planet, I'll say.

I mean people constantly complain and groan about how there is nothing cheap to do in Atlanta and I am just awe. Cause honestly there is a ton to do for pretty cheap. You can go to Cinifest...for free. You can join a club. You can get a job (which is a bit tougher now because of the whole recession). Or perhaps you can do one of my most coveted and adored pastimes, PEOPLE WATCH!

Okay so today while waiting for Joel to arrive so I could return his book to him, I decided to sit in the Library Plaza and read. BAD IDEA! Because you really can't get a lot of reading done with people wondering around, crashing into each other and shouting out from across the campus, "'Ey! Playa, what up, folk!" or some other phrase of the like. So I decided to people watch and make up stories about their lived and let me say it kept me pretty entertain for a whole entire hour.

So here is what I am going to do. I am going to give people fake names and a fake description of them. Then in parenthesis I will explain how I got to that conclusion.

Here is the story of Leroy Biggums. Leroy is a man who is old in age. He is probably sixty seven. He is a devious man though. Never quite found a way to stay out of trouble. He jokes around and tells his friends, "Look may'ne. It ain't never been 'bout me stayin' outa trouble. It' 'bout trouble not catchin' my black ass." In which all his friend with muffled laughter, "Ain't that the damn truth." Oh yes, Leroy Biggums, kind soul...when you get to know him. Underneath all that pride of his rebellion he is truthfully ashamed for not changing. He has lost something because he couldn't give up a habit and now he sits alone everyday in the Library Plaza at 2:40PM hoping something just might change. (I got all of that from this: I got up to move to a chair and I saw this old man smoking. I looked at him and gave him a respectful nod and he suspiciously nods back and hides whatever he is smoking. I then realize he his smoking marijuana and looks at me with the saddest of a face. I shrug my shoulders at him and smile, because today I realized was not a day for me to judge.)

Ashley Pierce is pretty. She shops at American Eagle, Hollister, and Ralph Lauren. She was born into a prosperous family and a rich community. Ashley--who prefers to be called Ash--is beautiful, funny, well spoken and was unfortunately labeled as the "Oreo chick" black on the outside white on the inside. This hideous label has followed her throughout all of high school especially when she was redistricted to go to a urban school. On the first day of sophomore when the teacher asked her to introduce herself she stood up with the brightest of faces, "Good morning everyone. My name is Ashley Pierce I came from Whitewood High. I am excited to be here and meet new people though." The moment she sat down the class was in an uproar including the teacher. Paper hurled its way from her classmates hands to the back of her head. "Looks like we got ourselves an oreo", a boy said. That is when it all started. Three years later it seemed to have followed her to GSU. It is not as bad when she is with friends, but when she is alone it is hell. (I got all of this from a girl who sat next to me and in the most proper voice she said, "Good afternoon this is ...whatever her name was...may I speak with Dylan." There were these two ethnic girls sitting in close proximity to her the glanced to make sure she was black and started snickering at her.)

My last story is about a girl named Olu Ande. At first glance you would think she was a loner. That she had no friends at all and spent her time enveloped in some book to escape the confines of her desperate situation, but if you look longer and harder you can tell she is just using the book as a rouse. She is actually people watching. She thinks she is such a rouge, but every so often you can hear a chuckle passing through her lips. It mean she has just concluded one of her outlandish stories. She hides behind her aggression, because it is easier and safer than being kind. She is truly a diamond in the rough. She has once loved, but it seemes that love dressed her like a clown. Surrounded by rock it takes a lot to get through without damaging her, but whenever you get there it will totally be worth it. (If I have to explain this you are a dill-weed.)

Post-in,
Tosin

Before I start this blog, I watched the Cool As Ice link and was cracking up. I had never even heard of that movie then I saw Vanilla Ice and knew it would be ridiculous. In three minutes you could tell the whole entire story of it. Now to return to your regular programming.

I enjoy movies in general. Usually, I am pretty game to watch anything. I am actually going to talk about three movies I love. They are technically not my favorite, but they are definitely on my top fifty.

The first movie I am going to talk about is called Malena. I truly just enjoy the point of view used in this movie. Yes, a little boy is telling a story about war times, but it is also the story of a woman who has no hope.

Not to touch to much on the dialogue, but it is amazing how the main character, Malena, has very few lines. In fact the majority of this movie is based on what the little boy is telling us. All people really see of Malena is her actions.

Another aspect I love of Malena is the musical score. Because Malena does so little talking the music does it for her. It is all instruments, but you feel disheartened, depressed, and worthless. Here is an example Malena

Overall Malena is a story of sorrow and reproach.

My second movie where every single time I watch it I am in awe is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Whoever choreographed those fight scenes is a genius. The fight sequences never looked choreographed, but they somehow had this flow that seems so natural like doing a waltz. So I LOATHE how they dubbed this in English (personally I think foreign films should remain in their native tongue and Americans should suck it up and learn to read subtitles), but here is my favorite fight scene in CT,HD. I am aware that harnesses were used for all those stunts, but it is just so natural.

In addition to the great fight scenes who ever Ang Lee hired to be the camera person kudos. Some of the crazy angles they had were ridiculous. Especially with all the scenes they had with people in the air.

Lastly I like the dynamics between the four main characters. Yu Shu Lein (Michelle Yeoh) is a free liberated and moral woman. Jen Yu (Ziyi Zhang) is born into this royal family where traditions are forced upon her leading to rebellion. Yet some how it is easy to see that between there differences they are more alike than people first see. Moving on to the men, Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun-Fat) has chosen the life of a moral monk vowing not to marry, by choice of occupation. Lo (Chang Chen) is a rebel who goes around with his men plundering people who venture into the desert. Sadly though Lo is a kind and playful spirit he is forced into a life without a mate, by choice of lifestyle.

CTHD is such a concrete movie, yet so abstract. Love it.

Y Tú Mama Tambien is my final movie. The title roughly translated to "And Your Mother Also". I must say this movie is not meant for the family and is definitely NOT a movie you watch with your parents. I love this movie, because of how totally messed up and convoluted it is. Some of the scenes are pretty disturbing, not much in a sense of violence going on, but just how vulgar it is. The entire movie is messed up, and it wasn't until the third time I watched it is realized I loved the movie, because it was so messed up. Feel free to youtube that one yourself, but it would be better to watch the movie in its entirety.

Worthy Mentions
Bella
O Brother Where Art Thou--the soundtrack to this movie is awesome.
Amadeus

Posty Posty,
Tosin

Anticipation for My Vocation

It is funny that you should post this topic, seeing that I have no clue on what I want to be. I want to be a psychologist, a singer, a dancer, a mother, an actress, a writer , a professional blogger, a superhero, a counsellor, a great person, a musician, a special person.

I know I cannot be all those things or maybe I can.

First and foremost, I want to be a mother. I want to be a mother--so badly. It is almost funny in a sense because people always want what they can't have. I want kids. Doctors tell me I can't have them. I mean it is not like I am trying now--I'm a big proponent of abstinence--but since I was a child, I have wanted children. I have faith and believe in miracles, but my most realistic dream job would to be a mom.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff and onto the more fun and heartwarming part of the blog.

My primary dream job would to be a singer. Most people will never hear me sing, but I love to do it. I write my own songs all the time and record them on my phone--high tech. I would want to be a soul singer. Maybe something like Dorothy Moore or Etta James. It is not even that I sound like them, but songs like Misty Blue...they just make you cry. I mean what else can you really do. The songs are just a sad soul lamenting over a lost love. I just love it, but even if I did sing songs like that it wouldn't be accepted, because music is slowly fading into obscurity. Well at least in the lyrical and musical aspect. Music is just trendy nowadays. It is almost like music just keeps getting repackaged and diluted, like orange juice. Or song like I Betcha Didn't Know That, it makes you want to be with someone you love, and just love on them, and remind them how special they are to you. It is just so lovely. Then there are people like Betty Wright and her song "Clean Up Woman". Love it. Then there are men like Bill Withers who sang, "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone". Oh man, where has music gone? I would love for if only a year, just to sing like them. I truly think my life would be made a little bit more complete. Then Lenny William's "Cause I Love You" seven pure minutes of a man just bearing his soul. I mean not that I don't like some new stuff, but the 1970's had some heart-bearing, eye-crying, baby-making music. So my ideal job would just be to sing like them.

My secondary dream job would be to model for Torrid, Lane Bryant, or Ashley Stewart. All three stores are plus size stores with the best clothes in the world. Now most people give anyone over a size 14 the title of just a fatty who doesn't care how they look. Now I would want to do this for two reasons: 1) I love modeling 2)I rock at modeling. I know I would just enjoy the lifestyle.

My final dream occupation would to be a college English teacher. Who teaches freshman in English 1102...no just kidding. I would actually like to be an ambassador, preferably to Spain or Greece or Australia. I love interacting with different cultures. I know that as of now I have tons to learn about class and being dignified, but for an eighteen year old I do good.

Well, I know time is running our for me to choose what I want to do, but know this whatever I decide to do. I WILL ROCK AT IT!

Passionate for Posting,
Tosin

Karaoke Killers

WOW. Sometimes I wonder, "Where in the world do you get this?" Then my next thought is, "You know what I really don't want to know." Anyways....

It is hard to say. It makes me think twice before I do karaoke again. Poor old me just singing some old Motown song and the next thing I know the police finds me in the back of an alley all bloodied and bruised. Oh dear I should say things like that. Maybe it is some type of underground organization like Fight Club....probably not. Actually, I truly am unsure.

Honestly I blame it on the alcohol. People are just stupid before and after they liqueur themselves up. To me, a karaoke bar is a fun place just to be a sober exhibitionist and sing in front of strangers. It is those drunken exhibitionists you got to watch out for. Honestly if someone has to use alcohol to muster up the courage to do a task it is proof that they are the ultimate coward. Everyone at the karaoke bar is under the assumption that they cannot sing, but you go for it anyway because it takes courage. Though it sucks, I give more kudos to the person who sings out of key "Beat It" soberly, then the drunken idiot that slurs her way through "Hit Me Baby One More Time".

I don’t know. I am getting off topic. I think the best answer would be both. I think the karaoke incident is just a random string of freaky events. Honestly, all this just assures me that people are completely stupid. Male, female, and everything in between, we are just totally and completely ridiculous. It is kind of like a "what the heck" moment.

Now for the larger symptomatic problem alcohol, in some cases alcohol is good for you more specifically red wine. Let's think of the people going a karaoke bar. I don't believe they are looking just to get a little whizzied. They are searching for complete memory-erasing, blackout-inducing, bar-dancing obliteration, by the drink, but there are downsides to this. With alcohol comes the joy of exhibition, but one sip to the left of exhibition is violence. Unadulterated violence. It makes me wonder, "Why?" I have never understood why a person would want to drink that much too where they cannot properly control their actions. Then people say, “Well I couldn’t control myself.” Shoot! You should have been controlling yourself when you were chugging down all those Long Island ice teas, those four shots of tequila, and then doing a Jaeger bomb, but I wouldn’t know. Actually if someone consumed that much alcohol they would probably be dead. It is all a big question mark.

This honestly does have me stumped, because I can’t see any connection between karaoke and assault and battery. I just can’t. Gah this entire article upset me. It is all just so bleck.

Either way all this just shows how utterly ridiculous the world is.

Peaceful Posting,
Tosin

BEWARE of POST

Yes, I know I am double dipping in the blog and doing two blogs for one day, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because in the end this is my blog. These are my thoughts, and because you never limited anyone to doing only one blog per topic post.

So today you have given everyone the liberty to write anything they want to write. So I am going to. First off I want to apologize. Because I feel like in the end of this I will apologize again, but I do want to start off with an apology. I am a fraud. And most people are probably like, "I don't care." and that is fine, but it is more than just being a fraud.

It is about the fact that I know I am a liar and I enjoy(ed) it. Since this semester started something has been eating away at my core. Everyday I feel like I am losing. I don't know why I am, but I feel like I am a loser. That all in all I am not that special of a person, and honestly I believe it. My personality-which used to be great-sucks. I am a total bitch to everyone. People used to look up to me like a mother hen. People would come to me for advice and I would help them. And now I have become recluse. I hang out in the library out of fear. I go to the back corners-where only the homeless venture-and stay there out of fear. Not any type of physical or substantial fear, but because in the library I choose to be alone. Everywhere else I am alone, because no one wants me there.

Then there is the family thing. Me and my dad butt heads a lot. You know why because I am just like him and I do not want to be. I loathe my father so much and I feel awful for saying that, especially since he lost both his parents as a child. But I can't help it. On my father's most recent trip to Nigeria he was robbed and held at gunpoint. Upon his return everyone was crying except me. What an awful thing to admit. I am a horrible daughter to my father. I just can't help it. I don't trust him. I don't like being around him and it is not just a teenage angst situation. I truly do not enjoy being around him, and sorrowfully I admit I am a despicable daughter. I love my mom. I love my mom a lot, but she still doesn't quite understand me. (Which in the end is all I am looking for, understanding. Which is probably the root of all this nonsense) My siblings are awesome. My sister is a genius, in the most literal sense possible, but in intelligence I pale in comparison. I am smart, but not noteworthy enough. My brother is cool too. He is going through boy puberty--which is substantially worse than girl puberty. Honestly, I have a great home life, I just wish I was better at it.

As for friends, acquaintances, and the like I have tons, but I am missing a close connection. I have no one. In every friendship I have had I carried the weight of the friendship on my shoulders. I would be the one listening to all the boyfriend stories. I was the one who was there when said boyfriend dumped you and you were crying. And guess what? I am the one that is still there when you get a new boyfriend and leave me alone.

As for the subject of boyfriends. I don't appeal to them. I know there are a million reasons under the heaven about why, but I don't know. Maybe cause I am a bitch and a liar and a fraud and a horrible, terrible person. Maybe I can't grasp the concept of flirtation. I am just an idiot when it comes to guys, but then again I am pretty idiotic when it comes to everything else. I feel like mold. No one wants to touch mold that it why I think touch is the most important sense. It is sacred there is only so much a person can do to prevent themselves from hearing, smelling, and seeing things, but as for taste and touch. If you do not want either then it will not happen. That is why people kiss and hold hands it is the sense that we use the least. It is a special sense, but guess what no one wants to hold my hand or kiss me. You know why cause I am crazy. I am the woman that write blogs bitching about her current circumstance rather than doing something. Ha Ha Ha. I make myself laugh.

So it seems I look for validation a lot. I have actually become quite aware that I cannot find it in people so I turn to religion--which helps--and academics. You know why I hate failing test and quizzes? Because that is the last thread of hope I have that proves to me I might have some value after all. I know I am not a knockout. I don't know a lot about everything or even a few things. All I know is what I like. I love kids of all ages. I love how they trust of carelessly. I love going to my job and having kids hug me, because I know it is because they want to. I love singing and music. I don't know a lot, but I know what I like. I love natural disasters. I hate seeing people hurt, but I love the destruction. I hate when people die, but I look forward to death. Oh if ever I die in class. DO NOT revive me. If people ask why refer them to this blog.

You know what? SCREW IT! I try to hard to impress people. If you don't like me, piss off man. PISS OFF! I have been a hidden loner for a while now. Might I well embrace this bitch like a baby.

Honestly there is constantly 239,243,546,456,564.577 thoughts running through my head. Sometimes I feel high as a Bob Marley other times I get to the point where I have Kurt Cobain depression, but I deal. I feel like I am on drugs, but I am not. I am such an actress. Everyday is an act. In fact I act so much I can't even seperate the roles from reality. Ha! Ha! Ha! I don't care. He doesn't care. You don't care. We don't care. Ha! Ha! Ha! I am such a liar.

Don't worry. I am not crazy. I am not going to come to class like I am from Natural Born Killers, but it is just a factual documentation of who I really am. Well who I kind of am. I have truly messed myself up so badly I have no clue where to begin, but maybe this is a start. So sorry again. I am going to start working on being a better person on Monday. You will see on Monday.

Post Up!
Tosin

Death of the 50ft Women

Lately I have been feeling like a monster. I am not sure which one it was a mix of the dinosaur on Rugrats and the 50ft Woman. While in my monster phase, I got the idea to write a story about the 50ft Woman. Oddly it turned into a story and poem, but it is what it is. Be mindful of the pronouns I know they change I am quite aware of it. There is a reason for it. I would really like comments on this post. I like the criticism.


Monstrous, the one word that perfectly describes me. Large, angry, misunderstood, but disaster is all people see. What comes to your mind when you hear, Attack of the 50ft Woman. Destruction. Anger. A mutant destined to be alone. I see her and I know her. Abused, cheated on, a mockery. Yes, yes I do know her. She is me. Now let us break down the 50ft woman, bone by bone.

Look at her feet. She walks tall. She must walk tall. We must walk tall or we shall fall. Everyone wants to see us fall. We will fall. Mockers scoff and kick and yell at us. "Wretched freaks! Mutant spawn! We shall beat at your bones until the light of dawn!" I walked tall.

Her legs are sturdy, like a tree. The lumberjacks come. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Let us now chop. You behemothic maids, we shall take you down a notch." With the axes of assault they break us. We limp. Their laughter heightens. They scorn, "Look at our 44ft gimps." I stood sturdy.

She is on her knees. She tries to crawl away. So close to freedom, then someone shouts, “Please stay!” We look back. A handsome gentleman there stands. He reaches to me and whisper, “Give me your hands.” We reach out our hands expecting a touch. Our hands are gone. They were just cut. That gentleman was a ploy and falsehood a ruse. He jeers, “Me, love you? You must be confused. You are nothing more than a lowly beast. In size you are great, but in matter you are least.” I can crawl no more.

My body is dismantled. My back scratches the ground. “Burn the demon child!” shouts
abusers all around. “Stop!” screamed the leader of the pack. “Turn the jades around and whip them on the back.” As each lash falls a part of us dies. Our flesh is gone. Our body it cries. I was covered.

The one piece of beauty of which we can grace, Is the eyes, the lips, the beauty of a face. Our skull is now covered with surgeons' hands. "Sew her eyes! Cut her lips!" are only a few of the crowd’s demands. With no drug to take us to another place, they dive with their scalpels and destroy my face. My face that held beauty, love, and a smile, Is now the face of an untamed animal in the wild. I was beautiful.

Our legs gone. My hands no more. So they attack what is left, my soul and my core. “Wretch! Monster! Mutant we hate!” What did we order for life to serve us this plate? Yes, we are a monster. That was our predetermined life. “Let us take a last blow. Stab the heart with a knife!” They only knew me as the 50ft fright. Covered with hatred, they blinded their sight. To be destroyed was never our plan. My hearts one desire was to be just like man.

It IS a Small World After All

Recently I and a friend of mine had a discussion with a teacher about a common social networking site, facebook. He was stating has he didn't have one and it was kind of pointless. I disagree. Social networking sites, such as facebook, MySpace, blogger, and xanga all play a certain purpose in American society. Especially since this is a completely technology dependent century. In a recent study it was stated that 18% of people spend three to six hours on the computer a day. Now in an even more recent study it stated the average American with a facebook will spend at least two hours and thirty two minutes on it per day. Most people would say, “Oh what a waste of time”, but if facebook has a global network of fourteen million people- and growing. Then there must be something fascinating about the site.
Facebook helps young adults of all ages connect or reconnect with people the already know like classmates, people they have known old friends, and people they will know like potential employers.
There is also a certain psychology that lives within the confines of social networking. That is probably the one of the major reasons I will enjoy researching it. Why do people use facebook and what compels them to put up the pictures they have and write notes. It is all so mind boggling actually. What actually makes them so popular?
Another reason why this is a great topic is because it is not playing a part in world globalization. It is connecting people profile by profile. I have met people from across the world through facebook. I have never been foolish enough to give then any personal information about me, but it is interesting talking to people from across the globe. To hear about their perspectives and opinions on world issues is pretty fascinating. People I would no other way have any possible connection to facebook is that link.
Lastly I’ll enjoy researching this topic because I it applies to me. Facebook plays a relevant role in my life. I am the type of person who sucks at talking to people, because I get so nervous. Then I have limited text messaging, but with facebook I can talk to people anytime.
My only concern with this is doing the research. Social networking sites are fairly new to society. So actually books may not be available. So I might have to depend solely on online articles and interviews. Also I might wind up using stories to argue my point, which I prefer not to do. Especially if it is not my personal story, cause then it feels like exploitation. Also most articles that are found about social networking sites are against them. They speak only of the stories the girl who planned to meet up with this creeper she met on MySpace and came up dead.
Well that is pretty much it.
Poster Poster,
Tosin

I sometimes lose control of myself. My body will begin to do this weird thing. It is like it is shutting itself down or short circuiting. I know it sounds crazy, but it is like an out of body experience.

The first time I had this feeling was at thirteen when I went to my first funeral. Anthony might have been the only person I ever truly cared about past the point of a platonic friendship. So when I heard the news that his father passed away, I was heartbroken. Not because I had known his dad intimately, but merely because I love Anthony and hate to see him hurting. The funeral was held on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I had spent most of the morning helping set up at church. My mind had been on Anthony for days and how I shouldn’t cry at the memorial service. The sanctuary was packed full of people so I found a seat in the back. The moment I saw the casket as naturally as a waterfall tears began to find their way from my eyes to my cheeks to my chin to their final resting place, the floor. The funeral was beautiful. I regain my composure making me last to leave the sanctuary. As the February sun beams down I see Anthony. I lose it. My composure, which I had just spent minutes on holding, leaves me. The crying intensifies. He walks towards me with his hands in his pocket. As he gets closer he removes his hands finally he is right in front of me with arms wide open. With my hands covering my face I begin to cough up the words, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I tried so hard.” He holds me and instantly I stop. Everything is gone. All but one sense leaves me, touch. I feel him. I don’t sense him holding me. I feel him as if I were his clothes. I felt his heart beating against his ribs. His ribs pressed against his pectoral muscles and his skin one his shirt.

I have always known I was the black sheep of my family. I love them all, but I am the odd one out. I was under constant scrutiny during 8th and 9th grade. One day had gotten in trouble –as usual—and my parents just let me have it. I didn’t say anything back. I walked to the back yard and, rage took over. Blinding, deathly rage like lava began at my core and began to seep out everywhere. I became inhuman. I began beating on the trees with bare fists. I saw my hands bleeding. I smelled the blood, but I just couldn’t feel it. All I felt was rage. I felt conscious and unconscious. I walk into the house and my mother screams. My hands are covered in blood. She washes them and wraps them. The next day I look at my hands. They were destroyed. I promised myself that day I would never allow myself to feel rage.

Two Saturdays ago me and my dad got in a tuft and-as always-whenever me and my dad get in a fight I end up getting hurt. So I put on my jacket, walk on the lawn and just lay there. Out of nowhere a single tear leaves my eye. Before I could stop the first one from escaping there was one in the other eye. I tried to control it all, but suddenly too many tears had gotten loose and they all stampeded out of my eyes. It was 9:00 PM and there I was weeping in the middle of the lawn. After what felt like an eternity-but was probably five minutes- I stopped. As the remaining tears made their way out of my eyes, I took off my jacket made it into a pillow, and looked upward. I started breathing normally. Everything began to fade away. The grass that was so uncomfortably poking my skin was gone. My ears became deaf to the trickle of cars passing the neighborhood. The salty taste of tears dissolved on my tongue. I couldn’t see the stars anymore, only the darker hues of the night sky. My breathing slowed down until it reached a halt. I was gone. It wasn’t sleep because I was conscious, but it felt like the seconds before death. I have never died nor have I been close to death, but I oft wonder if it will feel like that. I want it to.
I know whoever is reading this is probably like this girl is such a freak, but know me better than that. I don’t do emotions. I act on control. I have to control so much, but that is the beauty of when this happens. I have no control. I let it be.

To a certain extent I am embarrassed for writing on this. People have always seen me as someone who is in control, and it has made me into a monster. Luckily the complete joy in all of this is when I lose control. I feel like a human.

Pleased to Post,
Tosin

BS on BS

With great sorrow I admit that people have used major events in American history-both invigorating and devastating- for their profit. I do not plan on saying that Springsteen's CD was an memorial or a monopoly on the events. I do think if you were not there or you didn't lose a loved on September 11 then you cannot accurately sing a song, or write a poem, about the events.

It just goes back to show that people will monopolize anything. I hate to do this, but I am going to tie President Obama into a blog (to see why I hate this please refer back to the blog entitled Facing America). Okay so during the election how easy was it to find a place to purchase Obamorbilia? Pretty easy. It was everywhere, on the street corners of Atlanta to the local Walmarts it could be found everywhere, even on facebook. Yes, it was a historical event and I know some of the people selling t-shirts and such were trying to sell a piece of history, but how many of you think those merchants were just trying to make a sale? Raise your hands. Yep, I see you, and I agree.

To me it seems America is a real sell out. In fact if people could earn money from it, they would probably sell their souls or at least have people rent them for the weekend. Now do all Americans hold this sentiment? No, but we live in a world the perpetuates that money = success, success=happiness, and happiness=money. It is a sad reality, but all people want is happiness in the form of money. What people need to realize is that money doesn't bring happiness. Happiness comes from a contentment with the job you are doing and the knowledge that you could always do more. In fact you could apply that to every aspect of your life: relationships, finances, education, and ect.

As for Springsteen he is a character, but all I know is that as long as there are events-good, bad, and the such-there will be someone trying to make a cheap buck off of it.

Posting Done,
Tosin

P.S.-Also if you are going to get pissy over this then you kind of have to have your feather ruffled at the song "My President is Black" by Young Jeezy.

Thoughts on a String

Maybe I am cocky, some say over ambitious. "Oh Tosin it seems as if your head has managed to find itself up in the clouds again." In which I reply, "Wow well it seems as if your head has found its way up your butt." Not really, I am learning how to be kind to others, but if it had been me a year ago I would have said that.

Love is hard. No let me make a correction. It is hard to love people correctly. Not that I don't love people. God knows I do. I just struggle sometimes.

So I am rethinking my major. It is not a great ordeal as of now, but I am taking it into consideration. I still love Psychology, but I am finding I really like History and English a bit better. It is not even because of the teachers- I don't dislike them- but neither inspires me to become a Historian or English major-no offense. I think I still have time, but what is time. The year has just begun, but is now has only 330 something days left. We depend on time as if it depends on us. We put our faith in seconds. Seconds pass us in laughter. They mock us with, "You foolish people. Wait let me pass you. Stay there." Then while it continues to make its laps we just stay there frozen and stagnant. We peak then we wither. That is the fascination of time.
Now that that knowledge has been exposed a challenge is brought forth. Like a teacher who tests his students on the application of knowledge much rather than the regurgitation. Challenge, you ask? This precious time, day and night, sunrise sunset, sun moon, life death, use them. Use them in a way where on you deathbed your joys exceed regret. Your love tramples on your hatred. Your peace surpasses any calamity. This is my challenge to you. Will you accept it? Or will you like many other people shamefully decline out of fear and failure.

Failure. Each and every one of us in our own way. Yet, we are success. We evaluate and change ourselves. I fail. I succeed. I used to try and now I just do. I have learned if I just do and fail I know that I gave my entire being to something and it was because of my lack. Luckily where I lack He is abundant. My failures have been His success.

Liberal is the new norm. To be opened minded is cool now. Oddly I have found they are not that open-minded. I am conservative. Conservative beliefs match up with morals the most. But get into an argument with a liberal person and they won't want to hear about your opinions. Whatever.

I need to eat better. I have been exercising, but I was freaking out this week and did that stress eating thing. Cheese Its and Twix were the offender. Once I was anorexic. It was the longest two hours of my life. No, but really those girls are crazy. I could never go without food unless I was fasting.

People say I am abrasive. I say I have to be. I have literally been open. I let down my defenses in innocent hope of areciprocated actions. I was open. Then out of nowhere. They shot me. They literally had me open. The one part I never let anyone see, out of sheer embarrassment and they shot me. I tried so hard to be loving and loving. I let my life be held in people's hands. People have destroyed me. That is one of the reasons why I am learning to love like Jesus. People destroyed Him too, but He still loved them. It is just so hard for me to be kind and compassionate without either getting hurt or not being taken seriously. I know with God and in time I can, but I am abrasive for now, just to save myself.


With Deepest Posts,
Tosin

You Taste Like Caucasian

First off I have seen and skimmed this book probably four times at Borders or Barnes and Noble. Initially when I was going to write this blog I was going to take the easy way out of it and say that the entire book is making fun of white people, but after giving it thought, I truly believe there is overlooked theme of the book. What is this theme you ask? Acceptance and approval.

In recent years America has moved away from being a completely racist country-on every side-to one that just has stereotypes of people. Most often we hear of the pain and suffering black people endure from white people, but what about white people or Caucasian Americans-whatever you prefer. In the history of the world there was a sad time period when white people owned black people. Now it is sad that African Americans have held a grudge for so long, but they have. I feel a majority of the "things" listed are either a stigma to feel special in the white community or an action that is looking for acceptance in the black-or any minority-community.

Now I am going to prove this. I have looked at all the different items that can make a white person feel more important than another white person and the most truly-which I sorrowfully admit is # 101 which is White People Like Being Offended. To a certain extent I agree with them. When a person throws a racial slur at a white person. What can they really do? If they call me a "you know what" they get deemed as racist and can be charges with assault. But if a black person calls another black person a "you know what" it is okay. *LET IT BE KNOWN IF ANYONE CALLS ME THAT I WILL HURT YOU* So white people are constantly apologizing for offending a black person, but the worst is when a white person feels the need to apologize for their entire race. It is not that one person's job to bear the burden of a racist person. Black people are pretty racist-if not more-than white people. Then again I understand how they feel. McEachern High was a pretty diverse school and often times we would have substitute teachers. And I know I get extremely embarrassed when all the black students decided to act out. I would find myself waiting until after everyone left and apologizing to the substitute.

The one that most relates to the African Caucasian American dynamic is #14 Having Black Friends. I think this is hilarious because. If you are and Black and have more White friends you are probably not accepted in the African-American community because you are prissy or bourgeoisie or snotty or some other term giving to people who don’t live under stereotypes. Now if you are White and have more Black friends you are not that accepted in the White community. People assume you are of low class standard. Honestly I think it is all ridiculous. My friends are every color and every shade. I don’t make friends based on color. I make friends because of whom they are, but then again that is not what this blog is about.

Well that is my take on this book.

Posting Complete,
Tosin

Facing America

At this point in time I am totally and completely over this "new beginning for America". For an entire year and a couple months America's entire focal point has been on the presidency with a brief intermission where everyone went to the recession. I am done with it.
Even the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day was corrupted by people going on and on about the Inauguration tomorrow. There was not a single person that I heard today that did not find some way to tie President-Elect Obama or Michelle Obama into their speech. No one focused on what Reverend King did.
I find people's great joy in this election appalling and ridiculous. Foremost, I don't give a crap that Obama is black. What is so special about being black or white or Asian or Hispanic or even an Eskimo? Nothing that is what is special. Not to be gory, but if I skinned a hundred people at random and asked people to identify who was black and who was white no one would be able to tell the difference. So this entire black thing is dumb.
Second, all men of every race were given the right to vote on February 3, 1870 in accordance to the Amendments to the Constitution. Nearly a hundred years later in the 1960's the Civil Rights Movement happened. Now on January 20, 2009 America is swearing in a black president. Since the end of the 60's an African American person has had nine opportunities to run for president or vice president. I don't understand what the hype is all about-nor do I care for that fact. America shouldn't be proud of having a black president. It should be ashamed that it has taken this long to socially catch up with the world. When other countries have had a female president.
People say that my generation is a "YES, I CAN!" generation. I knew I could before this crap. In psychology, there is something called the mere exposure effect. It states that the more a person sees something the more they become drawn to it and like it. There has not been a day that went by that I did not see him in the news or see his smug mug on my yahoo homepage.
So if asked blatantly, “Do you believe that Obama is exposed on the media too much?” My short and sweet answer would be. YES! YES! and Hmmm…..YES!

Look, Honestly I do not hate President Obama there are things that he stands for that I disagree with, but I do not hate him. I hate how people have made him into this god. People are exalting him when he has not done anything for America yet. Then the same people who scream these praises to him will also be the first looking to impeach him. With this and to whomever reads this post just be in prayer for him. He will need it. There are foreign policy decisions that he needs to make quickly that will decide the fate of America.

Anyways, if this offended you at all then so be it. If not, then so be it. I wish everyone well.

Posting Off,
Tosin Akande

Vote for Me or Watch TV

Well no offence James, but that was a stupid question. I would definitely keep my right to vote. Owning a television is something that can be attained through working hard enough to get the money for it, but voting it is a privilege I earned last year when I turned eighteen and there truly is nothing worth giving that up.

Also I enjoy stating my views on the 2008 election-both presidential and senatorial. Honestly, if anyone would take the TV it would be a pretty shallow thing to do. It gives off the impression of being shallow and materialistic. What has a TV ever done for anyone? The only function it was made for was to entertain. Compare that to the purposes of Presidents, Senators, House Members and other voted on officials. All of them serve a purpose to America. The President to protect the nation, to serve as the face of the nation, to be the head of decision making, and so much more. The we have Senators and House Members who represent their constituencies. They are the voice of a state and people that live in the local areas.

Also not being able to discuss politics and government would be the entire worst. Though people say that my voice isn't heard as a voter, I truly believe it is. I have the ability to influence other voters. Influence does not come through beating hatred into the head of other voters, but by having civil and cordial discussion in which we both partake in discussing facts and bills and other pieces of legislation our government leaders would have passed. Having a role in the process of the selection of the people who run this is too valuable of a gift to give up for a television-especially when new technology will render it useless in five years.

Whelp, that is about it. If I keep on typing it would just be mindless crap to fill up the word quota.

Posts Away,
Tosin Akande

A-Z

Jason Mraz is my favorite artist bar none. I first heard The Remedy when I was thirteen. It has always been a catchy tune, but last year I finally bought his first CD, Waiting on My Rocket to Come. I fell in love with it instantly. My love of the album isn't one that comes from the catchyness of the songs, but it comes from an understanding of what he is talking about. Similar to life, the songs go in an order that express intoxicating highs and dooming lows. The ablum also just has a lot of instrumental variety.

I love every single song on the CD, but there are three that stand out in my mind. The first song is Absolutely Zero. I am not an open person, but I have been stupid enough to open up to one person and was hurt. I know it sounds trivial because I am only eighteen, but I truly will only let people get so close to me before I am done. In fact the true sign of if I am close to you is if we 1) Talk on the phone 2) I cry in front of you 3)Hug you. But to get back to the point here are the lyrics to the song:
You. You were a friend. You were a friend of mine
I let you spend the night You see how it was my
fault. Of course it was mine. I'm too hard at
work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd
ever in your life. I'm sorry for wasting your
time.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's
my job to make the most of it Of course I didn't
know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.

Hey what's that you say? You're not blaming me for
anything that's great But I don't break that easy.
Does it fade away? So that's why I'm apologizing
now for telling you I thought that we could make
it I just don't get enough to believe that we've
both changed.
I can't truly explain how I feel when I hear this song. It reminds me of how stupid I am to let my emotions get ahead of me. I know and understand I am a decent person, but when someone you love make you feel so worthless you feel ashamed. So when he says, "I'm sorry for wasting your time." I just break down, because he made me feel like I was holding him back. I also am the type of person the moment someone says hurtful statement to me I can't forget it. I can't let it go. I will forgive him, but the words still linger in my mind.

The next song on Waiting for My Rocket to Come that I love is called, The Boy is Gone. I am only going to insert a small part of the lyrics for this song.

What will happen to a face in the crowd
When it finally gets too crowded
And what will happen to the origins of sound
After all the sounds have sounded
Well I hope, I never have to see that day
But by God, I know it's headed our way
So I better be happy now that the boy's gone home
The boy's gone home

It is hard to stand out. In the biggest of crowds to even the smallest of venues sometimes it is hard to recognize every face. It is easy to feel looked over and dejected. This song most importantly reminds me to look at people, to listen to what people say. The song tells me that the things I cherish will not always be there for me to enjoy.

Now to end on a happier note--for once. The song Too Much Food comforts me. It reminds me that I am okay as I am. Sometime I a douchebag. Other times I am sweet as apple pie. I just have to remember forget what people say and just be happy with the way that I am. It is my ultimate happy cheery song. When I feel down and out and inadequacies take control this song hits the spot!

You can say that I'm one curly fry
In the box of the regular
Messing with the flavor
Oh, the flavor that you savor

Saving me for last
But you better not eat me at all
Living in a fast food bag
Making friends with the ketchup and salt....

'Cause you're about to get cut and get cut down
It's all about the wordplay
All about the sound in the tone of my voice
You gotta let me make my choice alone before my food gets cold

Better shut up or get shot down
It's all about the know how all just a matter of taste
Stop telling me the way I gotta play now
Too much food on my plate

Later Posts,
Tosin

The Who's and How's and What's and Why's

My name is Oluwatosin Akande. I know it is a funny name, but almost everyone calls me Tosin {toe-sin}. My entire name has thirty-two letters-for anyone who wanted to know. To describe myself in a few paragraphs is a challenging task. When people ask that question they either want a short concise answer or you life story, but I believe I will manage.
My name is Nigerian. It means God's beautiful warrior. I am a pretty warm person. I like most people I meet. If I don't like someone I usually just don't care about them. I believe the true opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. It is a saying of mine that I am trying to get copyrighted. I joke around about many things, but some topics are completely off limits for me.
I am a total movie person. I love all movies except one kind horror. I have never understood its purpose. I spend $10 going to the movie theater to view half of the movie through the thin peephole I have created with my hands over my eyes. Then I go home and have to sleep with the light on for two days. No thank you, I will stick to everything else. I am a big fan of independent movies. I love IFC and Sundance. My goal is to one day go to the Sundance Film Festival. Oddly my favorite movies are not independent films at all. My first favorite definitely Parent Trap and not the one the young Lindsey Lohan botched, but the classic Hayley Mills one. Back in the good ol' day. My close second in a made for TV movie called Tru Confessions. It centers on a twin sister of a mentally challenged boy. Man it is a total tear jerker.
As for music I am down for anything as long as it has a positive message to it. I love this Marietta band named Family Force Five. They are a musical surprise party. Oh I love the Transiberian Orchestra. I really do like everything. Mozart to Missy Elliot, Bach to Bebe Winans it is all good to me. Then I have taken up this recent fascination with music from musicals and movies. Along with my love of music I love to sing. I am training right now to be able to sing soprano, alto, and tenor. Challenging? You bet. Worth it? For sure.
I really like church I don’t know why I mention this, but I do.
I picked Georgia State, because I know it was the right school for me. I don’t know why or how, but it is.
As previously mentioned, my name is Nigerian, but I am not. I was born and raised in Marietta, Georgia. My parents are Nigerian and I guess I am by birth. Well then never mind this paragraph.
Well there is not much else to tell you. I got an A in ENGL 1101 and I look forward to earning that grade in your class too. Please be patient with me sometimes though, because you may think I am incompetent at times, but I know what’s going on. Anyways I am going to stop soon because someone will probably read this and think, “WOW! This lady is a loon.” I hope you enjoy reading my entries and papers. I know they will be awesome. Hopefully you will too.

Sincerely,
Tosin Akande