Thoughts on a String

Maybe I am cocky, some say over ambitious. "Oh Tosin it seems as if your head has managed to find itself up in the clouds again." In which I reply, "Wow well it seems as if your head has found its way up your butt." Not really, I am learning how to be kind to others, but if it had been me a year ago I would have said that.

Love is hard. No let me make a correction. It is hard to love people correctly. Not that I don't love people. God knows I do. I just struggle sometimes.

So I am rethinking my major. It is not a great ordeal as of now, but I am taking it into consideration. I still love Psychology, but I am finding I really like History and English a bit better. It is not even because of the teachers- I don't dislike them- but neither inspires me to become a Historian or English major-no offense. I think I still have time, but what is time. The year has just begun, but is now has only 330 something days left. We depend on time as if it depends on us. We put our faith in seconds. Seconds pass us in laughter. They mock us with, "You foolish people. Wait let me pass you. Stay there." Then while it continues to make its laps we just stay there frozen and stagnant. We peak then we wither. That is the fascination of time.
Now that that knowledge has been exposed a challenge is brought forth. Like a teacher who tests his students on the application of knowledge much rather than the regurgitation. Challenge, you ask? This precious time, day and night, sunrise sunset, sun moon, life death, use them. Use them in a way where on you deathbed your joys exceed regret. Your love tramples on your hatred. Your peace surpasses any calamity. This is my challenge to you. Will you accept it? Or will you like many other people shamefully decline out of fear and failure.

Failure. Each and every one of us in our own way. Yet, we are success. We evaluate and change ourselves. I fail. I succeed. I used to try and now I just do. I have learned if I just do and fail I know that I gave my entire being to something and it was because of my lack. Luckily where I lack He is abundant. My failures have been His success.

Liberal is the new norm. To be opened minded is cool now. Oddly I have found they are not that open-minded. I am conservative. Conservative beliefs match up with morals the most. But get into an argument with a liberal person and they won't want to hear about your opinions. Whatever.

I need to eat better. I have been exercising, but I was freaking out this week and did that stress eating thing. Cheese Its and Twix were the offender. Once I was anorexic. It was the longest two hours of my life. No, but really those girls are crazy. I could never go without food unless I was fasting.

People say I am abrasive. I say I have to be. I have literally been open. I let down my defenses in innocent hope of areciprocated actions. I was open. Then out of nowhere. They shot me. They literally had me open. The one part I never let anyone see, out of sheer embarrassment and they shot me. I tried so hard to be loving and loving. I let my life be held in people's hands. People have destroyed me. That is one of the reasons why I am learning to love like Jesus. People destroyed Him too, but He still loved them. It is just so hard for me to be kind and compassionate without either getting hurt or not being taken seriously. I know with God and in time I can, but I am abrasive for now, just to save myself.


With Deepest Posts,
Tosin